The Name Watcher

An ordinary evening at the children's park with kids playing and mothers chatting. My group is discussing pension plans and one of my pals says 'Give Tency a call. She is an insurance agent . She is in 2B". I get home and reach for the intercom, but my fingers stop in mid-dial. Did she ask me to call Tency who stays in 2B or was it Toobie who stays in 10C ?

Welcome to Kerala . Where TOOBIE is as likely a name as TENCY . Where a bass-packed male voice on the phone introduces itself as SIS Stanley!!! Where you'll see garish arches outside wedding halls announcing to the world the coming together of LIBI and BIJLI or SONY and LIJO causing you to pause and wonder which one is the bride and which the groom ???

Kerala is a treasure trove of zany names where a name collector could lose himself in sheer abandon. When it comes to zany names, the cake goes to Central Travancorians. The days I worked in a newspaper office in Kottayam were a delight for a name-watcher like me. A sombre obit news became a piece of classic humour as the departed soul was reportedly survived by a daughter named LOUSY. A fellow name-collector reported sighting a Marriage Today news where the groom was SHITTY. In my six years in Kottayam, I have met three TITTYs. There was even a Titty whose sibling was called BOOBY( well, he was named Bobby but you now how Malayalees pronounce their 'O's). I have 'graced with my presence' the marriage of a girl named SHANTY ( not the desi Shanthi, but the English Shanty), on the invitation of her brother SHALBY. Imagine my shock /surprise when I found that their mother's name was - I swear I'm not making this up- WILBY. What do you suppose the father's name was ? MAYBE, maybe ??

Malabarbarians too are talented in strike-dead nomenclature. I have seen snot nosed little devils in Malappuram named Zia Ul Haq and Zulfikkar Ali Bhutto- yes, the Whole Hog !! My mother had students in Pattambi Govt. College named Prananathan and Madanamohanan. When she says it took considerable effort to keep a straight face during roll call in that class, I can believe her !

Back in my hometown, Trivandrum, a friend of mine claims to know three siblings named Pliny, Pliju and Plissy. One of them is male, take your pick. Apparently there is a Chemistry teacher here who has named his kids after the Rare gases - Iodine and Bromine ! A cousin of mine used to share a bench at Arts College with guys named DIGIT and JWAS ( not Jose, not Jaws, but Jwas). I recall a Genita in my PDC class , who I guess, missed it by just an L.

At a recent family gathering when the topic came to strange names, we decided to hold a competition of sorts in a quest for finding the Strangest One of All. My Shitty and Lousy were shot in Round 1 with the likes of BHAGAVAT GEETHA and QUEEN OF SHEBA ( !!!). But the Grand Prize was claimed by my uncle who knows two brothers in Trivandrum (both high ranking officers in government service) named K.S. ONE and K.S.TWO .

If you ever, ever, hear a name to beat this, let me know...

( And here I am stuck with friends named Megha, Rekha, Raakhee, Laksmi, Parvathy, Roopa, Nisha, Vidya, not to mention Bindu, Sindhu, Asha, Archana, Reshmi, Jyothy. Fat chance of me ever winning the Strange Name Grand Prize )